Releasing Pain with Pain

It's been a 'pain' day. i've spent the day helping my folks with their charity garden thing and i've stupidly overdone it. my joints feel like they're on fire, and the new pain pills are not helping so much today, so back to the doctors this week to get a prescription for the old ones.

The thing is when i'm in pain like this, it makes me irritable and frustrated. And it makes me need the pain from Him. The pleasurable pain, that hurts like hell, but turns me on immensely because it comes from Him. i'm not a pain slut, not by any stretch of the imagination, but on days like these i so desperately need to feel the perfect balance of pain.

It took me a while to figure this all out - how could i need more pain when i live with it mostly every day? Then i started to let go of the "why's" and just accept that fact that sometimes, i just do.

What i wouldn't give to simply hand myself over to Him today...