It's taken me a few days to calm my thoughts enough to write this.
i have missed Him intensely this week. So much so that i've felt a dark range of emotions from anger, to aggression, to frustration and back again. It's at times like this where i can feel every mile of the distance between us and every minute of the 8 hour time difference.
Mostly, i cope with this just fine as we email every day, and chat online as much as we can and by phone as much as our seperate lives will allow.
Sunday was the worse day. i needed Him so desperately that i literally did not know what to do with myself and by the time i went to bed the emotional pain i felt was as bad as the physical pain from my joints. For the first time in a while, i cried with the sheer longing.
i feel so incredibly vulnerable during these times, so deeply submissive that my needs are primal and slave-like, and just need to be curled up beside Him, making Him happy in the best way that i know how. i know that He can experience the same pain and the same longing, and we do try not to cause each other the distress by talking about it too often. Hopefully, we'll have some time together tomorrow, and concentrate on all the incredible moments we share that make us whole.
Elle,
ReplyDeleteThat kind of intensity in longing will play out to intensity in be-longing eventually. You likely have something very poweful to look forward to when you and Him are together again.
Hi Elle, thanks for coming to visit :)
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that the dark side of submission for me is a similar feeling of missing him acutely. It's terrifying close to dependence, which I hate. I have tried various methods of dealing with it, including keeping myself over the top busy...which resulted in exhaustion in the end :) I am slowly learning that this is all part of the package, and that I have to be extra kind to myself at this times.